SOUTHERNHELL.COM » southern jokes

Searching For A Very Old Book?

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 20:13:08 +0000

I really don’t know where to begin… I read this book about 15 years ago so I guess it may have been around the year 1992 — But I know for sure that the book was written at least 30 to 40 years before that.

All I can remember about the book it is that contained stories of Brer Rabbit & Tar Baby and that it also contained old spirituals or hymns. One particular song was about a patter roller.

It also contained many jokes and old southern recipes. I remember 2 of them. One of them was a joke about a blind woman walking past a fish market and the other was about a man and his friend talking about his wife.

I know this may not be alot of information but it is all that I remember. I’m hoping someone can help me because I lost this book years ago and have been searching for it for years.

Thanks
THANKS for the responses everyone! Although I don’t think that these are exactly what I’m looking for. The book did not only contain tales by Uncle Remus but it also contained old southern recipes, hymns and a lot of jokes & riddles. It was a very thick book with not only stories but lot’s of other things.
The story of Brer Rabitt & Tar Baby was not the only story or information in this book.

Help with Beaches in Southern CA?

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 20:13:51 +0000

I need to know by my birthday and this is kinda important… Well depends on how you look at it ha ha. Anyways, do any of you know what beaches in Southern California that have maybe activity-rich get-together buildings for children, clean shorelines, and warm weather in February? Thanks! Because I love Pismo Beach but it gets super cold in the winter. Pismo has resorts, RV Parks, Dunes, you can rent FOR FREE sand boards and toys to go down these enormous dunes. You’ve got activity centers for kids, arcades, horseback riding, nice warm weather (IN THE SUMMER THAT IS), Laundry places, public bathrooms, outhouses LOL, and did I forget to mention the gift shops [they're very nice!!!] This beach allows you to ride your dirt bike or ATV on it! You can go rent a dune buggy or sand rail and ride it on the beach! I honestly don’t mind looking both ways before crossing the beach. And I mean it (in a non-joking way).

So, do any of you know what other beach that may or may not be as good but still has warm weather? Pismo is only warm in the summer, and I wanna know some beaches that are warm in Early February! Thanks!

Could this joke be alright to tell to my friends from the southern part of the US?

Sun, 06 Jun 2010 20:15:23 +0000

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole, but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend, Billy-Bob, for advice.

‘It’s those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool. They’re years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little, and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I’m telling ya man…you’ll have all the babes you want!’

The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato.

Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing and looking sick!

Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, ‘What’s wrong now?’

‘Lard-Almighty Bubba!’ said Billy-Bob, ‘the tater goes in the front!’

Is this like a Southern thing or what is its origin? ?

Sat, 05 Jun 2010 20:12:57 +0000

Okay…ever since i was little i’ve always loved peppermints and cheese…either spray cheese or reg. kraft cheese….idk why…i just started eating it b/c everyone else in the family would…so part of my family is from the south and i’m wondering if it’s a southern thing b/c i like rice with sugar and gritz with butter and sugar….sooo yeah…then people joke around and say i like pregnant people food….but i wanna know if anyone else eats it ((it is NOT nasty…try it….seriously…put the cheese on the peppermint lmao)) or if there’s some kind of origin….
i’m from the midwest too ()indiana()

How can I make an alcohol look-alike?

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 20:13:36 +0000

So. I’m in a band, and I’m the only underage (and straight edge) one. I’ve got an empty bottle of Southern Comfort, and I need to fill it with something that looks somewhat realistic so I can play a little practical joke on my bandmates. Any ideas? I’m looking for something fairly easy to buy/make that doesn’t taste gross.

jokes to offend everyone #3?

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 20:13:18 +0000

1.Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him “Sum Ting Wong”

2.What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

3.What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with….”a recipe”.

4.How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

5.What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins with “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins with “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this s**t….”

Anyone up for some great jokes? Remember we are all the same. PLZ Enjoy, Let me know what you think. Thanks.?

Wed, 02 Jun 2010 20:12:40 +0000

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying “Yo.”

Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him “Sum Ting Wong”.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They’re hiring.

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” -A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’tgonnabelievethisshit….

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

HAVE A GREAT DAY

How to flirt southern-style?

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 20:12:44 +0000

yeahhh, anyway, im from the north moved down south and the southerners dont seem to understand what i mean when i joke and flirt. sarcasm is not in use. what in the world do you southern men like when it comes to flirting? and yes, i know many already dislike northern girls…
i cant help my half new york half boston accent. thats how people know where im from. i never realized how much some people dislike the north until now haha. but when people ask where im from, i say i live on the north end of town

Are you easily offended? If so then stay away from these jokes! but remember we are all the same.?

Mon, 31 May 2010 20:12:44 +0000

Hope you enjoy!